Would You Like to Learn How to Stop Being Shy?
Find yourself unable to talk at parties? Want to learn how to stop being shy or appearing aloof? What many people don’t realize about shyness is that the shy person does not want to be shy, does not enjoy their life as a shy person, and would prefer it if they could learn how to stop being shy. If you want to come out of your shell, the good news is that there are tactics you can use to prevent shyness and open up to people in public.
What is Shyness?
The dictionary defines shyness as a simple “feeling of fear or embarrassment”, but shy people tend to be affected much deeper than that. Where people typically look forward to meeting strangers or participating in activities or appearing in public, people who deal with shyness feel self-conscious, nervous, insecure, or like they “aren’t themselves” around other people. Unlike the rest of us, who may feel shyness from time to time, shy people don’t know how to stop being shy. There can even be physical symptoms of shyness, like blushing or being out of breath.
If you think of yourself as “ill at ease” around strangers, you may need to change some of your thoughts and actions to overcome your difficulties. People skills are important in most careers, and your personal life will never be as fulfilling if you deal with the public in a shy manner.
Life Skills for Shy People
Shy people, take comfort in the fact that your particular psychological problem is curable without medication or lengthy therapy sessions. Usually, changing a few behaviors and thought processes can cure or at least ease the symptoms of shyness.
Practice Interpersonal Skills — Shyness strikes when meeting or dealing with new people, sometimes months into a working relationship with that person. If shyness was cured after a first meeting it wouldn’t be much of a problem. The easiest thing you can do to learn how to stop being shy is practice meeting and talking to people. In case you’re wondering, yes this does mean that you’ll be having fake conversations with yourself in a mirror. Look at it this way — if you can’t talk to yourself reflected in a mirror, you will never be able to talk to a person you don’t know very well.
Start your course in conversation by practicing saying “hi” and “hello”. Imagine what a conversation between two people meeting for the first time should sound like. Picture in your mind an exchange of pleasantries, small talk about the weather, and a firm handshake. The more often you practice these meetings, the more confident you will feel when it comes time to do the real thing.
Test and Improve Self-Esteem — The cause of shyness is usually low self-esteem. This low opinion of one’s self is caused by self consciousness taken to the extreme.
Shy people and people with low self esteem place a lot of importance on their personal behavior. They constantly wonder if they’re “doing the right thing” or if they have a normal appearance.
if you find yourself walking around with a negative attitude about yourself or disliking attention from others, you need to change these patterns. Every person on Earth has strong points, positive sides, good things about them that make them valuable. Think about what makes you a strong person — some of the same qualities that lead to shyness could be your strong suit. Once you realize that you have some value, it is time to tell yourself (out loud if necessary) what your strong suit is and how you can display it to the world.
When people feel good about themselves, they behave with confidence. Confidence is the enemy of shyness.
Perform Relaxation Exercises — Anxiety, on the other hand, is the best friend of the shy person. People use their anxiety as a shield or a defense against shyness and self improvement — the anxiety makes them “feel” different and they think their physical symptoms justify their low self-esteem. The next time you feel shy in public, the first move to counter anxiety is to shift your focus. Try focusing your attention to other things in the room around you — look just above a person’s eyes at their hairline. This last tactic is particularly useful because you won’t be making eye contact but the person you’re talking to will think you are.
Anxiety is like fear — a heady emotion that most people can’t deal with on their own. The simplest method to get rid of fear is relaxation. Meditation and breathing techniques exist to help even the most shy individual learn to communicate with others. How do you relax? Just close your eyes and start to think about your breathing. That’s all that meditation is, a gentle “pushing out” of busy thoughts and “breathing in” of calm, serene ideas. Breathe slowly and you will soon find yourself free of anxiety and fear.
Join Groups and Clubs — When you start to get a handle of your feelings of shyness and decide that it is time for you to learn how to stop being shy, you need to get yourself out into the world. The best groups to join are ones that will put you in touch with a number of new people, but allow you to develop relationships with those people over time. If you can combine this level of “interpersonal relations” with something that keeps you active and fit, such as a yoga class, meditation club, exercise class, or gym then you’re creating the perfect weapon to combat shyness.
Repeated meetings with new people who you can practice your new skills on combined with activities that get your heart rate up may seem difficult to find at first, but don’t give up. Your first impulse may be to cave and go back to your old routines, but remember that this is your anxiety talking. If you “relapse” into shyness, don’t give up — get back to basics. Practice conversations, slow your breathing, and start setting up meetings with new people.
Shyness doesn’t have to haunt you forever. You can start practicing behaviors and attitudes today to combat shyness. You don’t have to be scared or nervous in public anymore.
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