Sex is often used as a gauge for the health of a relationship. Oftentimes one partner craves it while the other seems to be interested only in minimal physical contact. Anyone who expects to find all the answers related to sex in one simple article is perhaps naïve or misguided. A few common and simple truths will be discussed here. Just like many problems in life sometimes all that is needed is “another set of eyes”. With any luck the information herein will stir your mind to action…and steer your body towards some as well.
FOR THE GUYS: How to Get Your Wife or Girlfriend More Interested in Sex
Gentlemen, if your lady seems uninterested you should not assume she is hormonal or having a bad day or even that she is in the middle of a monthly cycle (and only a fool would ask her if this was the case). After carefully observing her for obvious sexual obstacles you should probably check yourself.
- HANDS: Even if your job or other activities cause you to have rough or stained hands KEEP THEM CLEAN. Female sexual organs are very sensitive. Hangnails, callouses, and gunk under your nails, in addition to being unattractive, can be painful and can lead to certain types of infection during sexual activity. Keep nails short, smooth, and clean. Get a manicure every now and again. If you think taking steps to pleasure your woman sexually will get you picked on by your male friends, just remind them what it may earn you and unless they are truly primates they will understand.
- DIET: What you eat determines how you taste and smell. Pizza, garlic, cheese, onions, chips etc. may not be what a lady wants to smell in heat of passion or in your sweat during these kinds of activities. Also look for foods that do not cause excessive flatulence or take one of the readily available remedies to prevent it. MOST people will not think it is funny, will find it offensive, and will make a special point of avoiding the source of frequent flatulence….this means YOU! Drink plenty of water, cut back on the spicy foods, and add some sweet fruits to your diet. She will notice and appreciate it. Strawberries, for instance, in addition to being very healthy may also provide a fun and exciting bedroom treat.
- APPEARANCE/HYGIENE: You may think that your beard, mustache, long hair or clothing makes you who you are. While personal style and individuality is important and likely played a part in what attracted your partner in the first place you should find out what she likes and make a special point of indulging her in your appearance from time to time. Listen for her to drop hints, make mental notes of clothes and people she points out and ask her what she would like to see you in. A partner will appreciate the fact that you are interested in making them happy and they may want to reciprocate for whatever efforts your make in pleasing them.Also, and this should go without saying, STAY CLEAN! Get washcloth, a loofa, or brush of some kind and get yourself smelling good. If you do not wash frequently and thoroughly, if you do not wear deodorant, or change your socks and underwear DAILY you may want to get used to sleeping alone.
- PERFORMANCE: There is a widely recognized idea that while women need a reason to have sex men only need a place. If your partner feels as though she is simply a “pop off” valve for your sexual frustration or a convenient tool for your own sexual satisfaction while finding none of her own she is less likely to feel inclined to accommodate your advances. Pay attention, be sensitive, be interested and try to find ways to satisfy her. Do not be afraid to talk about it, to try new things and (here’s a shocker) make it about HER and not about YOU.
- COMMUNICATION: Many people have had negative and traumatic sexual experiences. If your partner is made to feel unsafe, or if your behavior evokes memories or images of unpleasant past experiences they are likely to withdraw and refrain from sexual activity. Make sure there is an open dialogue and that you are not doing or saying things that would make your partner question their own safety and to assure them you are not taking advantage of their sexual vulnerability. You should also feel comfortable discussing what one another like and do not like in regards to sex. You may think that what you have seen or experienced with past lovers will please your current lover. While you may “get lucky” and find this to be true, do not be afraid to ask before during and after to determine if what you are doing is doing the trick.
- GOOD BEHAVIOR: Partners and their tastes and expectations vary widely, but look for ways to make sure that your partner feels special. Offer to provide or pay for a massage. Make sure your notice if she changes her hair or makeup. Do things around the house that you know she wants done without her asking you to do them. When in doubt ask one her friends or her mother for advice on what might make your partner feel special.
If the relationship is important and you want it to last take these steps and any other sensible ones you can to make sure that you maintain a healthy, vigorous…and FREQUENT sex life.
FOR THE GALS: How to Get Your Husband or Boyfriend More Interested in Sex
I will go ahead and attract some criticism here and say that keeping your male partner interested in sex is less common and more easily remedied than for the guys, but for good measure consider the following topics.
- WHAT IS GOING ON DOWN THERE: Many men describe having arousal problems after watching the birth of a baby. This is because what was source of sexual conquest and desire now evokes images of pain, blood and physical distortion. While not all partners will experience this there are things you can do to sully the mental images surrounding your sexual hardware. Descriptions of unpleasant smells, discharge or other unpleasantness can plant mental images that are difficult to forget. If medical attention is necessary make sure your partner is involved, but if it is something unpleasant that your partner will not benefit from knowing….keep it to yourself.
- APPEARANCE & HYGIENE: What is for the goose is good for the gander. Stay clean and smelling good. While no one expects a person to stay in full makeup or to dress to the “9s” at all times, make certain that you make an effort to look good and make sure your partner knows that at least part of it is done from them. Make sure your sexual hardware is clean and healthy looking as well. Not only will this make your entire presentation more favorable but can also aid in the general health of the body parts in question.
- PERFORMANCE: I do not mean acting here ladies. I mean do not expect your pleasurable sexual experience to rely on your solely partner. Do not expect him to read your mind and do not act as though the “earth is moving” if it is not. You should also make sure he knows you find him desirable. While men are often less open about their emotions, EVERYONE likes to feel wanted when it comes to sexual partnerships. Make sure he knows what you like and find out what kinds of things you can do to do more than just bring about a climax. Men and women both have numerous erogenous zones. Do what you can to find them and use them to increase his pleasure. If he gets more than he expects or is frequently and pleasantly surprised, he is more likely to come back for more. He is also more likely to do his very best to make sure you are able to share in this increased and newfound pleasure.
- COMMUNICATION: If your partner believes they are not pleasing you with what they are doing they may be embarrassed or angry about it. Make sure you let your partner know what they are doing right and in a sensitive, constructive way, make sure they know that you are willing to work through any challenges to ensure a satisfying sexual relationship for both of you.
- DIET: The same things that apply to the guys apply to you. While weight may or may not enter into it, limit your intake of foods that may cause your perspiration, hair or other areas to smell odd. Drink plenty of water and eat lots of fruit. Your body will work these things into your chemistry and you will smell and taste sweeter. Between the improved diet and the increased sexual interest and activity you are likely to see many aspects of the quality of your life improve.
For Both Men & Women:
There can be countless reasons that your sexual relationship needs a boost. Stress from work, kids or finances, personal self-esteem and physical fatigue to name just a few. If sex is important to you, or if it ever was and you want it to be again use the tips above along with good common sense. Find out what one another likes and do it. Listen to one another. Communicate your desires your concerns and your expectations to one another and do everything you can to see them fulfilled. Find a way to eliminate the distractions of the world and allow yourselves to share what is, without a doubt, one of the most amazing, fun, and special experience two people can share. You can be upset about finances and NOT have sex…or you can be upset about finances and have sex. You can be stressed out about all the things you need to get done and NOT have sex or you can…well….you get it. Your life is not likely to be perfect at any given time, but when partners decide to work out this very important issue…many of life’s other problems will seem much easier to handle.
Some Other Things to Try
- Couples Yoga
- Self Hypnosis
- Couples Therapy
And any of the countless other resources available online or at specialty retailers.