While no one wants or deserves to be “used” it is also important to be reasonable and vigilant to keep paranoia from ruining potentially good relationships. Humans and human emotions are unpredictable at best, and can be intensely confusing. Be careful, use good judgment, and look for the most obvious signs that your kindness, good intentions, and time are not being taken advantage of. Despite the title of the article these things can apply to males or females.
It is not uncommon for one or the other partners in a relationship to do the majority of the buying when it comes to dinners, group activities, or even vehicle expenses. You may be right if you feel you are being used when the person in question
- Never says “thank you”
- Is disappointed when you arrive without gifts
- Does not reciprocate
- Asks for money to spend without you and is secretive about purchases
In a dedicated and healthy relationship both partners will do what they can to accommodate the other. When it comes to indulging each other’s interests, and compromising on when, where, and how to spend time together, there are things to look for that may indicate your time is only important to you and not to your partner.
- Does not include you in her interests
- Is frequently and unapologetically late
- Is unwilling to join you or complains about being made to participate in your interests
- Encourages you to drop her off at questionable places or at questionable times
- Physically unaffectionate or unwilling to reciprocate
Friends and Family
As relationships heat up and become more serious it is common and maybe even customary to seek to introduce that special someone to family members and close friends. Not only does this allow a person to get some additional input about a prospective mate from people who care, but it also shows your new potential partner that you have an interest in sharing the most important people in your life with them. You might be dealing with someone with shallow intentions if they have little or no interest in the people you care about.
- Makes excuses to avoid meeting your family
- Disparages friends and/or family
- Refuses to introduce you to her friends of family
Talk of the Future
In all but the most shallow relationships, there is normal progression. As two people become more and more important to one another it is to be expected that steps will be taken to ensure some amount of exclusivity or to clarify the intentions of one or both parties. While marriage is not necessary and if neither party is interested this may be a non-issue, but if one member of the relationship is looking for all of the benefits of a committed relationship without the commitment you may be dealing with a person who is ultimately using you.
- Requests access to bank accounts
- Hints at or demands vehicles or other expensive items
- Uses your credit or money for items or projects that benefit only her
- Suspicious or elusive activity in regard to spending
If you are afraid enough that you have to ask the question and wonder if you are being used there is obviously a chance that you might be. While some of the things mentioned above may cause you to think twice or to look a little closer at the relationship in question no one can really tell what to do next. Do all you can to illicit honesty, keep an open mind and talk to people who care about you. Get advice from neutral parties and when all else fails…ASK the person you think may be using you. Sure, people can lie…if they are using you they are already lying to you in a subtle way. Despite all of the potential for being used, you have to also ask yourself “is it worth it” . You may decide that this person is special enough to sacrifice for even if they fail to acknowledge or appreciate your own qualities. Realizing this will set you free from worry and allow you to regain control of your own emotions and maybe even of the relationship.