How to Know When a Relationship Is Over

Signs That It’s Over

It’s hard knowing when to get out. Maybe your partner is putting crazy demands on the relationship and you’re having trouble deciding to leave. Or maybe you think your lover wants out, but is stringing you along for some unknown reason.

These are two different situations. If your partner is giving you signals that he or she wants out, you have to take these serious. Accept that it’s over or take the steps necessary to get your partner back.

This should be obvious, but it isn’t sometimes when you’re in that situation. If your partner tells you it’s over, then it’s over. If your significant other has a new partner or stops returning your calls, then you need to face the obvious facts and realize the relationship is over.

Less obvious, if your man forgets your birthday, that’s a bad sign. If your woman replaces your pictures around her bedroom, that’s a really bad sign. If these kind of signals start to multiply and you start to feel neglected, it’s probably time to move on.

As for knowing when to get out of a relationship when your “other” seems ready to stay in, here are several warning signs that you need to end it.

1. I Get No Respect

Mutual respect is the foundation of any relationship. If you aren’t being respected, then the relationship has to change. You probably need to end the relationship altogether, because something that basic isn’t likely to change.

If your partner is abusive to you, that is the ultimate sign of disrespect. There are other sides, too. If you’re being lied to or cheated on, then you aren’t being respected. You can try to repair the relationship by talking things over with a liar or cheating. But don’t fool youself.

The relationship is over.

2. Passive Aggressive

There are other ways to disrespect a person without abuse or cheating. If your partner makes promises and doesn’t keep them, there’s something wrong with the relationship. If the person is constantly late to pick you up or come in from a night out on the town, this person is exhibiting hostility to you and your relationship. You need to talk to your partner about changing this behavior, or you need to get out.

3. A One-Sided Proposition

Do you put a lot into the relationship, but your partner seems to put nothing into it? That’s a sign that the person isn’t committed to you or the relationship. If you’re getting nothing out of the arrangement, there really is no reason to stay around.

You boyfriend or girlfriend might be extremely demanding on you or your time. This person might boss you around or never want you to leave their company. This is intolerable and unsustainable over the long term. It needs to be addressed, or you need to find a better relationship.

Your partner might be excessively flirtatious, but jealous when you look at someone else. You have to have a two-sided, give-and-take understanding.

4. Pleasant Company Excluded

If it’s more of a relief to be apart than be together, that’s a bad sign. The reason you’re in the affair is because you enjoyed the time spend in the company of one another. If it’s a labor to be around each other anymore, then there really is no reason to stay in.

5. A Little Appreciation Helps

Your partner needs to let you feel appreciated. If everything you do is a mistake or a drawback on the relationship, this is no good for you. The overcritical partner not only brings the romance down, but he or she begins to undermine your self-esteem. This is often their purpose, taking their insecurity over the relationship and project it onto you. If you are insecure, in their mind, then you are more likely to stay in the relationship.

Don’t fall into this trap. If your partner doesn’t appreciate you, you can find someone who will.

6. Visualize the Future

Ask yourself where the relationship is headed. Does your partner wear you out? Is being in the relationship putting stress on you or seem like it’s unhealthy?

If your partner is too possessive or jealous of you, this puts tremendous strain on the relationship. If your partner gets emotional over the simplest thing or obsesses over your every move, that’s not healthy. I call this a high maintenance relationship. A few people seem to thrive in these situations. For the rest of us, we’ve got to get out of these things. If your partner is obsessively jealous, overpossessive or hysterical, you need to get out the relationship and find a healthier one.

For more information about how to know when a relationship is over, see:

Comments

  1. i have this boyfriend and we have been together for two years and we have a son together and i have been wanting to get married and we yet to get there, he doesnt want to and i have been waiting for two years and a half. He has to know where i am at and if i dont call him at all he thinks im doing something bad or even with another guy. he doesnt trust me and very over possive and can be abusive and phsyical abusive. Its like a part of me want to be with him and try to make this work but then i just want to give up and just walk away because i have tried to get along with him but its like we fight more then we get along. please tell me what i should do because honestly i am beside me with this issue.

  2. Grace Hannity says:

    Maegan – Read what you just wrote. If you didn’t already know the answer to what you should do, you would not have felt the urge to write that message. I remember being totally in love with a guy who was very jealous and also abusive. I became addicted to this bizarre way of life and I would cry and wonder how I got myself into this unhappy mess that I seemed compelled to keep going. After two years this relationship became my prison. I found the courage to finally leave him, after he stole my cat and made me do certain things with him to get her back. Just think – would you choose this man to be YOUR father? He might be treating your child okay for now, or even nice for now, but when the child gets older, he will treat him with the same controlling behavior. You know that you feel a sense of relief when he is gone and peace is back in your existence. Make that sense of relief permanent. This guy has brainwashed you into thinking that you are the cause of his possessive actions. Guy’s like him are very insecure and feel a strong NEED to control other people and check up on them so that they can reassure themselves that you won’t leave. That is not love, it’s a sickness and it causes you to feel paranoid. Loves makes you feel secure. Things will only get worse. Trust me. THEY NEVER GET BETTER. They just simmer down after a fight and then the next time is worse because they know what you will put up with from them – and so they dish out a little more each time. I had to finally wait until the perfect opportunity and I packed up the car and drove off. I even took the last roll of toilet paper! As I was driving away, I felt so free!!!! I was scared too, but it was not as scary as having him come home and treat me terrible and sabotage my life. If you can’t leave for your own sake, you should leave for your son. This guy is not going to be a great father. He is going to be a great disappointment to you and your son. Don’t let this guy take what could be happy years away from you and instead leave you both with miserable memories that will screw up your child forever. I hope you know there are millions of women just like you who have left. Their lives and the lives of their children are much better for leaving. Just don’t repeat the patter or go back when you are finally out of the situation. I will say a prayer to give you strength and courage to do what you know is right.

  3. @ maegan: i’m in a similar situation.. we are together for almost 4 years and we’re living together for 2 years, for the last year he’s been going through my call logs and messages and emails even though i’ve never done anything behind his back.. i think you should look at yourself and if you don’t recognize the person you used to be with all your qualities and virtues, then it’s time to go.. i’ve done that and i was shocked and disgusted when i realized what i’ve become. he simply won’t let me grow and i’ve decided to go on my own.. hope that was helpfull and i hope you’ll find happiness
    (sorry about my english)

  4. i have had this boyfriend for almost four years. I love him so much, but our relationship is so stressful. the problems started when he went to collage, we slowed down talking. he would always say he was busy doing something. and like a fool i believed him. Time went by and things stated to get really bad but we still tried to make things work. a couple of months ago i cheated on him. He found out and it really hurt him. It even hurt me. I regret doing what i did but i cant change it, just learn from it. Soon after that he tells me he have done somethings such as cheat on me, went to clubs, and dance with lots of females. When he told me it really hurt me, i broke down, and till this day it do. We talked and decided to work it out. But its hard to work things out with him throwing the past in my face. I really love him and want to work things out with him, but he don’t trust me at all. I am still in high school and he does not want me to do anything. We have our good days but we also have our day days. I don’t know What to do and what hurts the most if i would of never told him what i did all them secrets he held from me would of never been told. At least i came too him and told him i was unhappy. Please help me out do you have any advise for me???

  5. I have been with this guy for over a year now (all together, we broke up for a month and during that month I was with 3 other ppl) since then and even before he never trusted me with anything I ever did. He goes through my phone or any form of privacy I see myself and only for myself. He used to call me a slut, negatively comment on everything I wore and now I’m to afraid to even have my own choice of clothing without him there, I’m constantly checking the ‘finger’ rule to see if my shorts are to small. He always swears and shouts at me for everything I do and even for the person I am, constantly trying to find something wrong with me. We continuously fight over anything. He makes me feel like everything is my fault.

    I have no confidence, I’m petrified of him, I’m not allowed to go anywhere without him, there is no respect. I really do love him but I feel like I’m in a prison and I’m worthless without him…

    Can anyone help with my situation? I don’t want to leave him, I just want to try an fix it…

  6. AnonymousGirl says:

    I am 24 years old and have been with my boyfriend since I was 16 years old. We have 2 ittle girls and they are part of what holds me back from leaving this relation. My boyfriend is a wonderful man, helps me out in every way at home, treats me like a princess, spoils me all the time. The only problem is that he is jealous and insecure. And that has brought many problems into our relationship. Now, I’m at the point where I am not happy at all because there is no more love from my side. Lately I have been feeling so down because of it. I feel sad, frustrated, scared, and confused as to what I need to do. But, I don’t know how to do it or when to do it. I just feel that it is unfair to stay in this relationship. I am not happy and I am sure he is not happy either. Frequently, he asks me if i’m okay or what is going on?. I am sure he can notice how i’m feeling. But I always deny it all. I really want him to be happy and be with someone that really loves him too. There are so many thoughts in my mind and I don’t even know how to get them out.

    Can you please advice??

    Thanks!

  7. I Fell in love and She wants out. I met someone a year ago, and almost immediately I became intensely invoilved. The big promlem is I am older then her by 15 years. I treated her as the most important person in my life. When I met her, her life was a mess., a 2 year old child from a man she never married, The man developed a mental disorder during pregancy (schizo). She lived with him in a rat hole even though they were not sexually involved, to care for him but had really no other place to go, since she had to take care of her son and couldnt work. She had a dream to become a model, and I paid for photo shoots that led to a agency contract and a limted success career in modeling. I bought her an entire wardrobe of clothes, since she really had none. I invited her to stay in my place with her son. Since modelingwork is assignment based and she had maybe 10 days of gigs , I have paid for all the expenses for all of us, and provided her a car, money, anything she wanted. Last Week, she says that she thinks I am too old for her. That she doesnt wasnt a relationship where I would likely die 20 years before her . I said that would be like 40 years from now, most likely. I got upset, because I love her so much and felt she had no shared commitment to me . Should I just let her go or should I try to stop her?

  8. I have been with this guy for 10 months now, I love him with all my heart but our relationship is very stressful to me. It all started five months ago when I first moved in with him, we had previously planned that I would only give him $200 dollars of my SSI paycheck to help him pay his bills because that was all I could afford to give him only getting $448 at the beginning of each month. Well, he took more than that $300 and something more of my money that we originally talked about which had me nearly broke that I only had $24 dollars left which I had to make last for the rest of the month. This freaked me out. I had never been that short on money in a very, very long time and I thought if this was the way things were going to be I would go back home to live with my mom and brother again. Seeing how scared and freaked out I was, he made sure after that to only take the $200 and not a dollar more. However, the matter of me wanting to go back home never escaped me and each other when and every month felt like I wanted to go back home, because nothing ever seemed to change. He always would make these promises that things would change and improve and they never would and in the end causing my family to lose a lot of faith in me and my ability that I will follow through with what I had said I am going to do and stop back-peddling. Most recently though, I deceided I wanted to take a break from things for awhile, you know just to take some time away from all the stress and pressure of things here and figure a few things out but he tells me he wants me to try and stick things out here, that i am just now starting to adjust here but I am not…I mean, I am trying to and I think he is trying to make life more comfortable here for me but it just isn’t working because i don’t feel like my voice is being heard. I think taking a break from things would be good for me and give me a breather, he doesn’t want that because he thinks that will drag me right back into my old habits living at home perhaps but I won’t know that unless I try. What should I do? Would be going back home be the right thing do or could I be making a mistake?

  9. I have been dating this gal for the last one year.She is now pregnant with a child which she says is mine.I work far from home hence we meet once a month and only for a weekend.What is making me suspicious is the telltale signs mentioned above.I think she doesnt respect me at all.For the past one week she has been sending me sms that i send her money.When i told her to give me time i will send,she started been hysterical.She started sending me messages that she is going to bring another man to MY house since i cant provide.Infact she went ahead ans said she would sleep with a man that same night in MY house.I havent spoken or returned her sms since thay are hurtful and shows much disrespect.What i fear most is the resources i have put in that house considering i might have been keeping her and another man financially stable while i starve myself ar work for this woman.Do i stay,dump her and wait till the child is born to know if it is mine or not??

  10. So i’ve been with this person for a year. And I’d say in the past 2-3 months we fight a lot and most of it revolves around me wanting time with this person. I mean is it really that hard to call me for a goodnight kiss and to tell eachother we love eachother. They get so angry if I ask for this. They want me to make all these changes but yet won’t bend a little bit. Oh when I ask if we can talk a little more then we do I get oh your obsessed your being crazy then I question if there is someone else and I get ignored for days at a time. you know what I think I answered my own comment I think I should end it while I still like them rather then leave a relationship despising them

  11. im 20 years old right now i been with this guy since i was 17. at first it was all great now i have a 2 year son who i love to death. his father/my boyfriend changed so much. hes physically emotionaly mentaly abusive towards me . i no i should leave but im scared. hes the one that bring the money home. i been looking for a job but lately i seem not to be able too find one. i have no where to turn to if i was to leave. i have no saving. no family or friends to help me out. im basicly on my own. im also scare that i would end up in the same situation if i leave and find a new guy. im scared that i wont find no body that will love me and my son and accept me the way i m. i dont know what to really do. im stuck. i lost. i really need advice and help fast.

  12. My girlfriend and I just recently broke up and I want her back. We dated for three and a half years and have a child together. I want to make the changes to show her i care and am doing so to an extenet without smothering her. I just don’t know if it is wokring. Any Advice? We broke up because I took her for granted.

  13. I’ve been dating someone for 3 yrs 5 mo. I am so confused because I don’t know what he wants. I am always there for him , always standing by him and every time i try to say something to him about what’s bothering me he pushes me away or just wants to run. He does this all the time & we get into a huge fight over it & then he turns around & tries every way to tlk to me but never wants to talk about what happened , he will message me ” I will always cherish our good times together, you are the best thing that has happened to me, I will miss you” He tried the I will always cherish yadayadayada nonsense again recently & I was kinda sarcastic with him because I am tired of the same nonsense. I finally messaged him & told him why I was upset at him & what happened & his response was. I didn’t mean to upset you, was debating on contacting you because I didn’t want to stir things up. I Guess I F**** up. His excuse was I know you are moving & I wanted to say goodbye, which I couldn’t understand why he would say good bye when he was actually going to see me again @ a fundraiser. I asked him that & he said he knows & he was looking forward to it & the good bye was just a nice gesture , that it wasn’t a good bye for good. So I ignored him, didn’t respond. So then two days later, I have a missed call from him & I returned his call & he tells me sorry pocket call. So I said ok & Hung up. So then that evening he messages me on FB to ask me a question about the fundraiser with the tickets. I then sent him a message & asked him what exactly he wanted from me & his response was I was only saying I F**** up & didn’t mean to stir things up. I don’t understand. How can he think that he can contact me & not stir things up. Of course I am upset about the fight we had , does he think that I am going to just brush things under the rug & not deal with any issues that comes our way. It’s the same thing over & over with this little messages, the so called pocket calls or txts & now he is using the fundraiser that I am doing & I booked him for the entertainment to contact me. I honestly don’t see why he needed to contact me about how many tickets have been sold. It shouldn’t matter either way he is still doing his entertainment. I just don’t know what to do any more with him. I love him with all my heart more than life itself & I am getting hurt deeply bad all these games he is playing. Does he love me yes I know he does. I don’t know if it’s commitment issues or his fear of getting hurt again in his life. I’m lost & confused.

  14. He recently moved out because I downloaded a application on his phone that sent all his text messges to my email adress and i seen some distrubing things. I only downloaded it onto his phone because he was acting all suspious locking it and sleeping on the couch while im upstairs alone. We have a 5 year old together and have been togther 6 years and Ive caught him cheating in the past before and when I confronted him about the messages he tries to hand me his empty phone like Im some kind of idiot and dont have the messages in my email. So that severly pissed me off. While he’s been away he wont pick up his phone whenever i call him at night………..So i “think” he with his text buddy instead of sleeping on his moms couch where he says he is.

  15. I am 36 and my bf is 23 and by the look of things we do love each other but we seem to be having something that we have to fight about on almost daily basis and mostly it is over petty things does the fact that he is still young has everything to do with us fighting? Sometimes when we finish making love i would feel that I am itchy on my and my urine will be very smelly and when i confront him about it he tells me that he didn’t do anything and it is probably just an irritation. I don’t know if i should let him go or not. I used to fight with him about his Facebook account that he flirts with girls there and he promised that he loves me too much and that we will deactivate our Facebook accounts but now of recent i found out that he is back on it again. I need to know what must i do?

  16. Anonymous says:

    I have been dating this kid from highschool, we met junior year and are in our sophmore year of college. I love him so much and we were the high school sweathearts. We did everything togather, we went on picnics, went to the falls, carved our name on a tree, did road trips. He is my best friend. Recently my parents moved to california, and i feel kinda lost. I’m not sure if i should pack up everything i know and finish school out there or if i should stick it out this year. Me and my boyfriend have been fighting so much, and i think its the long distance because we go to different schools. It so sad to think that we might not make it, because for the past 3 years i really saw my future with him after college. I’m not sure what to do anymore. I called him earlier because it was 1 oclock, and he hung up on me after 2 min into the conversation and said he was going back to sleep. I get no respect from him at all. I have been more needy and clingy lately because i just want to know that i matter to him. But its hard to believe that i matter to him when he never calls me, and whenever i call him he never picks up, we dont skype like we did last year. I dont want to say goodbye to 3 years, but i also dont want to be so unhappy like i have been lately. I cant talk to him because then it always gets thrown back in my face that im the one who has issues. Maybe i do have issues, maybe it is time for me to go back to california and say goodbye. Its just harder to do than say. Any Advice?

  17. I have been dating this guy I’ve known since elementary school for 4 1/2 yrs we have two boys and I am now pregnant with our daughter. It was always signs of him being envious of my success and my family, but I thought love could concur it all. He really showed his true colors this last year when he lost his job. He wanted to know everything I was doing and started being secretive about his whereabouts. I would deal with it because we had a family and I loved him, but he wanted to stay out and drink and hang with the guys all the time, started making broken promises not spending time with my or the children at all. Then he started verbally disrespecting me in and outside the house. We broken up more than 10 times alone this year and I can’t take it anymore. He doesn’t try he is lazy, abusive verbally, controlling, a lier and thief. He wants what he want and try to keep my under his wing while doing whatever. It hurts because a part of me still loves him and another part is so content when he is away and it scares Mr sometime that I more relaxed w/o him. So I broke up with him on Halloween and I just want everyone to please pray for me. Because I’m afraid I don’t want to take him back again. Too much pain, I cry so much I don’t know how to smile

  18. I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and I’m only 19. When we first started dating, I was a totally different person than I am today. Now, I am prude, responsible, respectful, and goal-oriented. These are all great qualities that my boyfriend lacks. He’s still a partier, a hard one at that, and I am not. Every weekend, he says he works so hard he has to go out and drink. I work hard too, and am a fulltime student, but I don’t need to drink. I feel that he is an addict and that he needs help. He just got a DUI. He’s 20. I don’t even like being around him when he’s even buzzed because he’s disrespectful towards me. I worry because I don’t want this kind of relationship to escalate, but I love him alot. I’ve been giving him a lot of ultimatums about him drinking and our relationship. Sometimes I wonder if I should seek out elsewhere, with someone who understands me a little better? I’m still so young. I don’t want to make the mistake and stay if he’s not going to change. Although why should I expect anyone to change?

  19. My girlffriend and I have been together for 4 years. Things have been great within those years besides the minor mistakes that come along with a relationship. We both attend the same college. The problem is that whenever I try to invite her to hang with me and my friends she always has to give me a reason why she can’t do it but then she will turn around and go hang out with her friends. She never invites me to hang out with her and her friends. Her birthday is today so Thursday I decided that I wanted to do something special for her that whole weekend. I tried to take her out to dinner and she turned it down, the next day I had a surprise appointment for her to get her nails done and she went to hang with her friends. One night my friends and I had a surprise party for her and I asked her to come out with me and she said she couldn’t because she had to work at 5am but later that night when I was leaving from my friends apartment I see her and her friends walking from the parking lot because they had gone to a party. I give my all to this girl and she hasn’t made an effort to acknowledge what I am doing. I have talked to her about it and she still does it. Today I tried to surprise her with roses card balloon and bear for her birthday and all she said was thank you and went back to her friends house. That really hurt my feelings so what exactly does it mean that she is doing thatt?

  20. jillcasado says:

    i appreciate people sharing these things as I can relate to a lot of these people in my situation. I know how they feel!! Thank God others know how I feel right now too, cause it hurts to feel alone (jill)

  21. Well it seems me and sammy hav the same situation to the dot and I am living yhe other side of the fence as my gf cheated on me n I decided to forgive then cheated on her to grt back at her cuz the truth is I loved her alot / still do but to this date idk if yhat was the bedt decision w thee issues we hav . She is my first love and idk wether to stay or go still e all these problems we hav?

  22. isabel fuentes says:

    I’m 26 about to have my first baby I’ve been with the baby’s father for almost 6 yrs. At one point I was madly in love with him but at some point i lost site of it. It’s really dificult for me to even wanna have any sexual anything with him. Don’t get me wrong he’s a good guy works for baby and me. Makes sure I have what I need. Is always there for me.. we argue about everything. I’m totally not in love any more and i can feel it. I’m due in June i don’t know what to do. Should I leave or try to make it work for the sake of the baby? Some advice please!!

  23. Toygirl1970 says:

    I have been with this person for 8years things have went from living together to being apart, but still actting as IF were together, they call me If i call them they never answer I have to wait for them. and its everyday good nite or hows yourday but dont get to see them much but we still celabreat or AV and then some, I go along with this for 3 years now, they told me they need sometime to think 3 years back, now I am just Feed Up sick to death with Crap, like Ditto instead of I Love you, or they give me money No prob but feel like a I am a Keep Person!!! pays most of my bill’s now one mite say what the hell you complayning for..well I don’t feel loved in any way shap…there Not Emotionaly avalaboul at all or phycoly ether…what whould you do??? I kinda want to end it but scared I do Love this person..but that has to be a 2 way street!!!! God help me to let go!!!

  24. I am in a relationship with my high school sweetheart, at first we were a match made in heaven slowly it became poision but we recovered to a point of greatness, no jealously, nothing but respect and honesty, well we got pregnant and had our son, one month after our son was born he left us for “freedom” so he says, I hardly heard from him or saw him.. about five months after he began showing interest in me again and I was soooo happy because I loved him so dearly and wanted to be with him so badly. So we got together again.. things were great up untill about a month ago, he began putting friends first again, yelling at me when I asked what he was going to do for the day, he hangs up on me tells me its over and I beg for him back yet he makes me feel at fault, and like im LUCKY to have him back, he has also COMPLETELY changed who he used to be, he was into the same music and style of clothing and activities and now he is on a whole other thing I understand change but changing EVERYTHING is just being fake right? I mean he only began acting and changing when he started hanging with this group of people. He has also lost his goals and completely has no idea what his furute will look like all because of this new group of friends, he is so quicky infulenced! I am feeling sad that I am disappreciated and treated like this. I dont know what to do? It hurts to think of not being with him but it hurts stayin and continuing to be with him. I need advice and some strength to do what is best for my son and I.

  25. Anonymous says:

    I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 1/2 years and we have a 1 year old son. I have two older daughters from a previous relationship. I feel like the spark is not there between him and I anymore. In the beginning it was great because I wanted to dedicate all my time to him, but that changed when we moved in together and I started to go back to college. He is great with my girls and his son, and he makes sure we have a roof over our heads and the bills are paid. The problem I think started because of how independent I was before I met him, now I don’t work because he won’t let anyone watch the baby..literally no one besides myself. It is difficult for me because I have no money to administer and no friends to talk to or see. He does not like my friends and does not like me going anywhere, so I’m stuck in the house. He then contradicts himself when I complain and says why don’t you go out!? If I do it is a big fight and he won’t talk to me. I feel like this is why I want to leave. I get extremely angry and snap at little things he does because I’m so anxious to have a friend to talk too besides him. He always says that the only reason he is with me is because of the baby…? This happens when we argue, I don’t know what to do because he is a good dad. One day I spent time with my friend who has a son the same age, (he hates her cause of her past) I didn’t tell him because I knew it would start an argument, he found out got mad and at that time took a plyers and smashed the engagment ring he has given in the time frame. Another time I told him I wanted to move and he flipped out because he accused me of wanting to take his son away. I tried to see how he would react in any event of my leaving, but it ‘s hard cause of the baby. School has also become an issue and is constantly thrown in my face because I waited so long to go back. Please give me some info or advice because I don’t know what to do? I have no family in the state I live in and no job, and unfortunatly joint custody with my older kids father so that doesn’t help either. What to do..?

  26. I am 30 yrs old and have been with my boyfriend for 4 yrs we were bestfriends all through highschool then stopped talking for 2 yrs when we reconnected things got intense fast and out of the fruends zone we have a 3 1/2 yr old daughter and I have a daughter from a previous relationship he is great with the kids and things were great between us for awhile we have this amazing connection but over the last year things have gotten rocky we now live in seperate houses because neither one of us have a car and had financial issues and we stopped communicating he doesnt call me or text I have to text him and half the time he doesnt respond and when I ask him about it he says I dont talk to anyone on the phone or respond to anyones texts unless its a direct question and I tell him I love him everyday but when I ask him why havent you said I love you to me in months he said you should already know and if you dont then why are you with me I dont know if hes just frustrated with the situation and not being able to see me or his kids everyday or if he wants to break up but doesnt want to come out and say that

  27. Ive been with him over seven years he was married when we met he has been divorced four yrs now and yes im totaly against adultry at the time i was early twentys and this doesnt make it right but he was up fron upfront but explained it like they only slept n the same house for kids sake evntually she found out about me and devorced him everyday i regret the hurt i caused but u cant choose who u love but from day we met he began to provide for me and my son i have not worked in years he provides fully when they divorcd he moved in with me and a yr ago he paid for me to get full custody of my son he is twelve well he is great to my son and loves him but once my son was here everyday things got bad he smokes and doesnt want to have that around my son and i agree but gradually he has made a whole other life at his lake lot with hs friends and he basically nly comes by to pay bills and get laid the man never takes me anywhere we have seen two movies in seven years we are never seen together he only sees me at home and he only comes after midnight am i that embarrassing it took seven years to meet his kids and yes i gripe alot because im so lonely i never know where he is or when i will see him again its driving me crazy he tells me he gives me a good life and he does but im so loyal i cant go out and have fun without him its not right these days he never takes my calls and he is always with pot heads there not real friends the just want handouts he has a good heart and gives to all but the neglect is unbareable its like he will be here one day and say he has to run to store real quick and not come back for days and not take calls so i accuse he is cheating he says its easier to stay away and jack off then come home to deal with me he is addicted to porn so my heart breaks cause i cant be what he wants he has come home with blister on his penis from porn its just sick he says he loves me or he would no provide good life for me some weomn wld dream of this life but im so depressed and alone and once i get strong enough to stand up to him he comes with gifts and so sweet i fall in love again but its only for the night cause after sex he is gone he is twelve yrs older than me has a great job he does from computer about two hours a day the rest of the time he gets high with friends and does qhatever he wants like i dont exist i love him but its not worth th good money cause im mserable and dont know why he cant ever want to share life with me m not ulgy or fat but im tired of blaming myself and im depresed its a great living for my son i guess thats why i stay what wld u do its like when he shows up he is a stranger all over again ppl have come over to see us together he acted great but he just will not take me anywhere?

  28. forgt this part say he does come to stay a couple of nights in a row he usually sleeps on the reclner it like whats the point in being here if ur going to pass out n the recliner if he wanted sex like usually on the first nght he is home he is mushy sweet cuddly then after sex he says love u thn rolls over thats the most h is in contact with me all other nights he is on recliner until im asleep then he gets laptop for porn like im not good enough for two nights in a row then why did u come here to hurt me all over again?

  29. ozzie girl need help says:

    Im in a 17 year relatioship married for 2 years Most of our relationship have been about his dreams .I believe in loving forever Ive only loved two men in my life hes one of them Im 37 year old and hes 41 We work at a meatworks for about 12 years now We build our house on a mountain we raced motorcross he has 7 motorbikes 2cars I have a motorbike and recently a gorgous new car life feels perfect
    It has been difficult to achieve things in our relationship Im in a high paying job and what he wants I can usually organise it and get him it eg new ute and harley to make him happy when I asked him to married he said only if I pay I asked 4times before he said But since Ive brought mynew car and want him to pay half the mortage things have gone down hill Hes so sad all the time we spend hours no talkingand the las thing was since the wedding we have been trying for kids I got all my checks all ok but he wouldnt do his test then I told him if he doesnt he has to tell me go we had the biggiest fight ever he had a secret he hadnt told me he had something wrong with him I was breaken he lied we got all the testsall was clear but the main test is bad no babies natural long story short I feel hurt the pain in my hear wont go away and looking at him angry all the is hurting my soul you no all that work and he lied how do I get over it Im never gonna be his princess I think he wont be able to support me if we do IVF cause I wont be able to work to pay the bills any advice would be helpful thanks

  30. Im hopin you ladies could shed abit of light on things. Im in a relationship with a girl for over a year now, she has two kids to another man who doesnt see his children. Our relationship wasnt great the first 6 months. It was stressfull but we had some positives. I moved in with her after 6 months and incidentally started fixing up her house…it wasnt in a good state. Things started to stabilise which was a good thing, we booked a holiday, we enjoyed birthdays and christmas. im great to both her children, her eldest calls me his best friend and her yooungest even calls me dad. One big problem has developed for me on a psychological scale. We dont have sex anymore… im 25 and she is 22. this seems too odd to me at our age. The worst thing is that today she was trying on bikini tops for our holiday and she told me she doesnt want me to look because its like i perv at her…. is it just me or does it seem as tho i repulse her these days. I have lost alot of weight because i have a terminal illness and i dnt look as healthy as i used to but these kind of remarks which arent the first are hurtful and make me think am i just here for her kids???

  31. InnocentsOnAThread says:

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, he use to bring me flowers, tell me stories, make me smile, kiss my forehead and sometimes when I would take a nap because I came home exhausted from school he would join me. Later in the relationship he started to talk to this one girl who lived 20 minutes away that he told me he use to like for moths, a lot whenever we would talk on Skype or OoVoO and I would talk to my friend in Canada that I’ve known for years but stopped talking to him for years. Months ago I cheated on him because I thought that the relationship would have ended the same as the rest: I fell hard for him, we have fun for a while, he gets bored, he talks to other girls, he cheats, I get heart-broken so I thought “hey why not do it to him first?”. Big mistake.. He found out and it really hurt him. It even hurt me because I stooped to their level.. I regret doing what I did but I can’t change it, just learned from it. Soon after that he tells me he flirted with some girls then told me he didn’t, when he told me it really hurt me, to the point where I thought everything would be over. He has 3 facebook accounts and whenever I ask him to delete them they appear back on in a matter of weeks, he tells me its because he gets bored but I have a feeling its something more.. . Its hard to work things out with him throwing the past in my face, he calls me a slut, whore, bitch, and sometimes raises his hand towards me whenever we fight, and he knows I’m scared to be hit because of one of my past relationships.. I really love him and want to work things out with him, but he doesn’t trust me at all. I am still in high school 2nd year and he does not want me to do anything. Nor talk to anyone or go anywhere without him. He still thinks I’m talking to my ex’s when I hate their guts. We have our good days but we also have our day days and I just want the bad to stop already. I don’t want the relationship to end but I don’t want us to be at each other’s throats. Sometimes he even says “I’m breaking up with you” then a second later “I’m just kidding” when he notices me crying. I don’t know what to do

  32. hi, my name is janet and i have a boyfriend who is in prison. i met him in fifth grade and we’ve had an off and on relationship since then. he was my first bf at such a young age and i was his first girlfriend. we’re both 23 and he has been in and out of prison since the age of 13. every since i started back dealing with him in 2007, our relationship really hasn’t gone anywhere. i’ve been pregnant by this guy twice and had two miscarriages. he’s still in prison and he keeps telling me this is his last time going back but this is all the time we plan to get married and i don’t know if i should wait on him. he’s cheated on me a couple of times and i’m scared he’ll do it if i marry him. when he’s not in prison we barely see each other and i always have to make the first move when we do want each other’s company. when he goes to prison i’m the only one that’s likely to write him, send money, and go visit him but i can never get this same kind of affection from him when he’s not locked up. sometimes i feel like our relationship is a lie because it seems like the only time he wants to commit to me is when he goes to prison.

  33. Dear people,
    I have been in a relationship for the past 7 years and it has had its ups and downs. I lost my mother2 years into the relationship and my girlfriend was there for me 100%. We now have 3 children together and I find myself thinking about just leavin. I think it’s because of my children I don’t leave. And I don’t think it’s fair to her. But at the same time it’s also things that she does that makes me feel that the relationshipis over. Like holding sex from me. There are times that I want to have sex and she is too tired, or not feeling good. Fine, but if I went out and had sex with someone else I would be wrong? I would be cheating! Sorry woman I don’t believe that a man who goes out and looks for something he is not getting at home is wrong. I love her and want to be with her until I die, but when I want to have sex and she doesn’t I don’t think it’s wrong if I go out and find a side girl.

  34. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and in that time he has promised to marry me but there is always something that comes up. Initially l would bring up the subject and then he said to me that l should limit my asking to once a week. So l left it and the years passed. l did not want it to look like l am pushing him. He mentioned that he had to prepare for getting married but when l asked about what preparations he was making he would either be very vague or irritated that was asking, as if by asking l did not have faith in him.

    Then last year we set a date and l even spoke to my parents and they agreed to it (he should have been the one to ask them, but he refuses to develop any relationship with them). So we were set for June and June came and went. Only for me to find out that he was having issues with his mother about me. The impression l got was that l was the problem. The truth was he hadn’t told his mother about me at all in the time we were dating. l had said to him l should be speaking to her and his dad.
    but he kept making excuses.

    Unfortunately l had to leave the country and move back to my parents. In the time he argued with me about my decision to leave he said that if l wanted to leave l should leave quickly and that l should know he does not do emails or phone calls. (l was leaving because my contract was ending and l was not able to renew the contract).So l left. H e had promised to come and see me off but he didn’t come, he said he was too emotional.

    When l got back it was a case of looking for work and trying to sort myself out. He did not contact me for two months, despite my repeated efforts to email, call and text. When l did finally get a hold of him he said he thought l was having fun so he didn’t want to disturb me! Our friends would ask have you spoken to X and he would say yes knowing that he hadn’t. When they would ask me l would say no. When he found out l had said no he said l had made him look bad and should have covered for him.

    Being away has made me see things more clearly.

  35. Hi

    I was in a relationship for 61/2 years, all was going well so I thought!!

    We recently came back from a great holiday in Dubai, only for him to tell me a week later that he wasn’t happy and he needed space. My reaction was probably quite typical, feeling sick, hating myself (and him) begging and all that.

    To be honest things hadn’t been wonderful but we were planning for the future and trying for a baby later this year, so this came as a bolt out of the blue.

    It was strange how everything he said was related to me and what bad things I had done to the relationship, nothing related to him. All the reasons he gave were in my opiniion quite weak – how I was unhappy that he still wanted his annual lads holiday (what girl would), how I made him go out and drink every weekend (when he had been doing this since I’ve met him), bringing up comments I made at least a couple of years ago and how these had hurt him and more importantly his relationship withhis dad which borders on bizarre without any question.

    What he wasn’t prepared to admit were his wrongdoings, and I didn’t mention them as I felt so bewildered at the time, although I have a list as long as my arm, yes there were reasons why I checked his mobile phone, namley him taking photos oif girls, his friend sending him pictures of girls, text messages (granted a while ago) but all of these things chip away at your sense of trust for an individual.

    He wasn’t even willing to acknowledge everything that I had done for him (and it was everything) now his dad has jumped in and taken over that role – i’m not at all surprised!!

    No-one should be made to feel like they have caused someone so much unhappiness and that’s what he did to me, I still love him and miss him or is it just that I miss coming home to someone? I have a beautiful daughetr who is keeping me grounded and is so supportive even thight she is only 8. The worst thing is that he did all of this in front of her rather than wait another 24 hours when she would have been with her dad.

    We have now moved out (3 weeeks on) and he seems relieved, there is an age gap of 5 years (me being older) maybe he is dreading commitment, he says he loves me and he wants to be friends, to be honest my head is mashed, my advice to myself and others in this circumstance is to be strong and look to the future, you never know what is around the corner!!

    I keep thinking his loss and hope that one day he will wake up and realise that all relationships have there ups and downs and you have to be able to talk about them and not bury your head in the sand that is what relationships are all about.

    I knid of feel better now I’ve put pen to paper so to speak, probably go and cry like a baby now – lol

  36. jeanet mametja says:

    my boyfriend has just left me telling me the problem. He was not taking my calls anymore, when iasked him why he is not taking calls he said he is busy. I visited him ,he said he is too busy and i am waisting his time. H

  37. Melanie meek says:

    Hi to ya all that av left ya comments I was in a abusive relationship for nearly 5yrs we had a son which made it hard to leave I kept asking myself what should I do kept making excuses for him like he won’t hit me again he’s just having a bad day or it’s just a faze but believe me no matter how hard u try to either change who you are or change him make excuses up the person will never change they say they love you but hitting and the shouting and name calling isn’t love. I ended up leaving my ex after he forced his self onto me left me in tatters felt useless but I had to sort myself out for my son Iv since had 2 more failed relationships and had 2 more children My boys are what have pulled me through the bad times and have made me realise that I am worth something and I am a good person I am now happy with my current boyfriend who I have been with for just over a year now and my life is great I am finally happy. It is a hard desision to make leaving the one you think you love but if ur not happy it’s one that you have to take if there are children involved because they feel and no when things are not right and they have a right to a happy childhood and you have a right to a happy life 2 I do hope you all find happiness one day and get your life’s back on track like I have. You all deserve happiness stay strong and DO WHAT’S RIGHT xxx

  38. My issue is that I dont think I’m in love anymore. I’m trying to fix things by going to counseling but I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle. I’m with this idiot just because it’s what everyone wants for me but it isn’t what I want for myself. All the signs you mention above, well I’m that and more. I feel trapped by him. He’s not what I wanted for myself. A great guy yes but my TOTAL opposite. I’ve always had that in the back of my mind and now its surfacing so that I cant ignore it anymore. I find myself “forcing” myself to love him. Everything in this relationship is unsatisfying; the sex, the passion, the attraction, the value for one another. I find myself continually disappointed and let down by him. I hate and resent having to go through these awful feelings repeatedly. Its true what they say, never go into a relationship wanting to fix a guy. Some things are unfixable.

  39. My condolenses Michelle, I know how it feels to be hit by a drive by partner. The person waits until a particular moment and then just unloads everything that YOU and only YOU have done to make them unhappy and to ruin this relationship. No attempt to figure out what is making them unhappy or how these problems can be fixed. It is like you are nothing more than a piece of furniture or electronic device that can be replaced by something else.

    Similar story, great relationships with different girls. All I hear about is how they have dated all these mean, terrible men who treat them like dirt and don’t care anything about them. I always treat them with kindness and compassion, do nice things for them, and always try to be there for them. Eventually, it always turns around to be my fault for them not being happy as if it is my job to fix all their problems and be their happy drug.

    In my recent relationship, I got dumped because I was an obstacle to my girlfriend’s career and I was moving too fast. Apparently, our relationship was distracting her from focusing solely on her career goals even though she admited that it was the happiest she had been in a long time. Second, I was telling her too much that I cared about her and I was planning too much with both of us in mind. In fact, when she talked about moving out to New York City, her comment was well why can’t you live by yourself. Why do we have to do anything together?

    You want to know the truth……lots of people desperately want the love and respect of other people, but they don’t want the responsibility that comes with these things. In order to be loved, you have to treat other people the same way with patience, compassion, and compromise. To be respected, you have to treat other people with respect…..don’t blame them for things going bad, insulting their character, or treating them like a piece of trash.

  40. Anonymous says:

    I am 18 years old, and have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. When we didn’t live with each other everything was PERFECT. But now that we live with each other, and have a 2 month old son, everything is different. We fight every day, and sometimes he hits me. He’s a great father, and that’s why i don’t want to leave. I love him so much, and he just won’t change. He promises to stop drinking, and then I go for a walk with my son, and find him drunk. He cheated the first yr we were together, but i forgave him, and now I’m scared that he’s still cheating.. We have days where we get along, but one little thing that I do or say can ruin the day. What on earth should I do???

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