How to Kiss
If you want to learn how to kiss, you’re probably anticipating kissing someone in the near future.
Being a good kisser is a big leg up when it comes to dating the opposite sex. Guys might not think that, but girls talk about these things, so you want to have a good reputation, whether you stay with your girlfriend for years, or you’re out in the school dating market in a few weeks.
Knowing how to kiss properly is a skill that can never hurt, so here’s how you learn to be a good kisser.
Prepare Your Lips
Whether you’re a guy or a girl, you want your lips to be supple and soft, not hard and chapped. Not only do soft lips invite your date to kiss you, but having kissable lips makes the act of kissing more pleasurable for you and your date. Kissing is a sensual act, and by “sensual”, I mean it’s sensory stimulation – the sense of touch. Touching something soft and supple is going to be welcoming to a guy or girl, while a rough kiss on chapped lips just isn’t particularly pleasant or sensual.
To make your lips more attractive, inviting, and pleasing to your boyfriend or girlfriend, keep them moist with a chapstick or lip balm of some sort. You might go the extra mile by exfoliating them (with sugar), like you would exfoliate skin. Keep your lips ready, in case a kiss breaks out.
One other thing: when it’s time to kiss, part your lips ever so slightly. This relaxes the tension in your lips, making them more inviting and softer.
Be Approachable – Don’t Be Defensive
Both guys and girls make this mistake. Bad body language gets in the ways of good kissing all the time. Certain subtle gestures and stances send out a signal to the opposite gender that you want to be left alone. Without even knowing it, a bad habit can be telling your boyfriend, your date, or just that cute guy you like that you don’t want him anywhere near you.
Crossing arms is considered a defense mechanism, showing you are unreceptive to whomever you’re talking to. You’re in a shell, defensive, and don’t want this person in your personal space. It also tells them you might be hiding something, even if it’s just your emotions. So uncross your arms and don’t send these signals.
Also, frowning isn’t welcoming. Avoiding eye contact is an attempt to avoid a person. So if you want a guy or girl to notice you or approach you with a kiss, make eye contact with them and smile. Don’t stare, but locking eyes and giving a hint of a smile is one of the best, most subtle ways to flirt. It sends a signal, without being over-the-top. It’s a lot better than looking the other way and frowning.
Baby Steps, Not Leaps
When you decide it’s time to kiss, don’t just lunge at the person. Even if this guy or girl was thinking about kissing you, this is off-putting. It makes you seem impatient or even desperate, as if you can’t wait to kiss. Initiating a first kiss is about coaxing a person into an embrace. So you do that in starts and stops.
Touch this person (lightly) on the shoulder, arm, or elbow. Make it a short touch, lingering ever-so slightly, then back out. Don’t lean on the person or clutch at the person. Make it subtle, innocent, and non-chalant – almost unnoticeable. See how this goes, and how the other person reacts. If they pull away or seem to change how they’re acting, that’s a sign they don’t want a kiss. But if they seem cool with the touch or they reciprocate, it’s probably time to proceed with a kiss.
You might play around with this for a while. Let them get used to you touching them, though this should be done in a natural way. Consider whispering something to them, like the two of you have a secret no one else in the room should know (it doesn’t have to be a revelation – probably nothing more than a shared joke). Eventually, the two of you’ll come together for a gentle kiss, and then a deeper kiss. Touching and kissing is about breaking down barriers between the two of you, so be gentle. Don’t take all night, though, because there’s a fine line between smooth and subtle, and hesistant or lacking confidence.
Focus on Their Lips
They say one way you can tell a woman is attracted to you is if her eyes dart around your facing, tracing your outlines, taking in your features. If she looks at your lips, that’s a sign she’s attracted. Whether you’re a guy or a girl, if you want to send a signal, you should do the same. Make eye contact with the other person’s lips ever so briefly, then make eye contact. Once again, give a subtle, pleasant smile.
Do not stare at their lips. It’s a bad idea to stare at any part of a woman, even into her eyes. Make sure most of your time is spent in eye contact, but don’t make this a seering stare that’s bound to make someone uncomfortable. He or she will eventually take the hint and you’re one step closer to a kiss.
Approaches to a Kiss
You’ve seen this on tv and movies, so you probably know how to make the approach. Lean in a little bit towards this other person, turn your head slightly (if needed). You might even touch him or her on the neck or head, to subtly help guide your partner in for the landing, though you should do this gently (and often, not at all). Most of the time, if your kissing partner wants the kiss, they will lean in and tilt their head, and the kiss will be on.
The Kiss – How Kissing Works
Once you begin to initiate the kiss, pucker your lips ever so slightly. Don’t pucker too much, or else you’re giving the platonic kiss, and that’s not very romantic. Puckering too much makes your lips tense and rigid. Instead, pucker enough to keep your lips supple and soft. (Practice this at home in the mirror, but make sure no one ever, ever knows about this or, especially, sees you do this, or else you’ll never live it down.)
Kiss and Pull Away
Kiss both lips at the same time, make gentle caressing contact, then pull away ever so slightly. Keep your lips within an inch of one another. See their reaction. Go in for more, if this seems to be working.
Lock Eyes – How to Kiss
When you have parted lips with your partner, open your eyes and lock eyes with them. See what their reaction is and gauge what your next move should be. If everything is good, initiate another kiss. If it seems like it’s better to be one-and-done, then pull away, smile at your partner, and shift your gaze somewhere else. Get out of her personal space.
More Kisses – How to Kiss
But if things went well, then it’s time to go in for a second kiss. Remember, kiss both their lower lip and upper lip again, parting your lips enough so theirs fits with yours. This time, close your lips as you pull away, which applies a little bit more pressure. Test out on the length of your index finger, if you want to see how this is going to feel and how much pressure you should apply.
Switch lips, focusing from their upper lip to their lower lip. What you want is to vary your kissing, so it’s not the same act each and every kiss, and not the same act the length of a long kiss. As I mentioned before, kissing is about sensory stimulation, and good kissing is about mixing up the sensory stimulation. Vary how you kiss to provide your kissing partner with continued variations of lip stimulation. It gets real fun when you start the “french kiss”.
How to French Kiss
French kissing is when you and your partner place your tongues together. If you want to initiate the French kiss, brush your tongue against his or her lips. This sends a signal you want to French kiss. They either reciprocate or they don’t. If they don’t, back off and save the French kiss for another date.
If they do want to French kiss, then gently push your tongue further into their mouth. The tip of your tongue should touch the tip of your partner’s tongue. Let them touch and rub against one another gently. Do this for a moment, the retract your tongue.
More French Kissing
Next, move your tongue into his or her mouth again, this time with a deeper penetration, so that more of your tongue touches more of their tongue. The two tongues should be brushing against one another frequently and with a little passion now.
Continue in this way with multiple French kisses. Once again, don’t be entirely repetitive, but continue to mix up your kissing pattern, so your date is receiving constantly new sensory inputs. This is more stimulating.
Swirl your tongue a bit. Kiss a little harder, or a little deeper, then back out. Move your tongue over their lips like you’re taking a taste of an ice cream cone. very gently and briefly take his or her upper or lip in your teeth, simulating a bite or a nibble. Take a lip between your lips and gentle suck. Be passionate. Breathe harder.
Don’t Focus Only on the Mouth
You won’t be getting the full experience, or be giving the full experience, if you focus only on the mouth, though. Remember to caress your kissing partner’s neck, hair or face as you kiss. If things are really going well, kiss your partner along the neckline, and maybe even nibble on their ear. You might hold off on this version of the kiss for the next kissing action, or at least later in the night, but it sure is fun.
The point being, you don’t want your kiss to be solely focused on the mouth, but you want your kiss to be part of an embrace where you caress your partner, especially if you’re a guy and she’s a girl.
Ending a Passionate Kiss
Every French kiss should be ended with a final lip lock, which is where it all started out. This shows that it’s not all about passion, but that you have affection for your kissing partner, too. Making out can be many things and bring out many emotions.