How to Cope with Your Ex Moving On

8 Ways For Dealing With Losing Your Ex

If you have to watch your ex with their new boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s a kind of psychological torture. When you break up and the two of you still see one another around, someone is going to move on quicker than the other. This means you have a 50-50 chance to be the one left holding the bag.

There’s also the chance your ex moved on before your relationship was over. This makes the situation much worse, because you are also have to cope with a sense of betrayal.

Here are ways to cope with your ex moving on. I wish there was a magic formula. But their is no easy way to cope with matters of the heart. Just remember that everyone has been there at one time or another.

1. Keep Your Cool

If you come across your ex, keep your head about you. Don’t start crying and don’t cause an angry scene. If you are acknowledged, reply to your ex and be cordial. Be polite to your ex’s new “friend”. Getting emotional lets your ex know he or she is “winning”.

You ex may or may not have lingering feelings for you. If the ex does, that person will be wondering how you could be so composed. If you ex doesn’t have feelings, you’re emotions will annoy them or, at the very least, make them feel uncomfortable. Either way, you’re making a scene simply reinforces their attachment to this new person.

As for the new girlfriend or boyfriend, it is natural that the person will feel some amount of jealousy for you. If you are composed and look to have your act together, this person will think you are worthy competition. Emotional breakdowns simply allows the person to triumph over you.

2. Let Go of Your Powerlessness

You are in a powerless situation. Your ex has a new love and there’s nothing you can do about it. If your ex broke up with you, then you probably have lingering feelings that you can’t do anything about. Nobody wants to feel helpless, especially in a situation where they have so much emotion invested.

There’s nothing you can do to control the thoughts or actions of your ex. The quicker you figure that out, the better. It’s a no-win situation.

As soon as you can, disengage and move on with your life. You will find a situation where you do have some control. When this happens, your helpless feelings will melt away.

3. Don’t Beat Yourself Up

When you go through a bad breakup, it’s natural to blame yourself for making bonehead moves or having fatal flaws. Don’t put yourself through that. When the relationship was going strong, it was because both of you were adding something to the mix. Now that it has gone bad, you have to realize you are only half the equation.

You ex has just as many issues as you do. If they broke up with you, they probably weren’t thinking much about you at all. They were thinking mostly about themselves. So it’s not all your fault.

4. Let Yourself Feel the Emotions

You’re going to feel a lot of emotions: sadness, frustration, anger and perhaps even despair. The sadness and frustration are natural and healthy. And as long as you control your anger, it’s probably positive to feel this at times, too. This means you don’t blame only yourself for what has happened, that at least part of the blame is on the other person.

Feel these emotions. Talk about them with your friends. They may get tired of hearing about them, but it helps. Eventually, you’ll get tired of hearing and feeling the emotions yourself. The worst thing you can do is to shut yourself off from these feelings. It’s a common defense mechanism, but it isn’t a very good coping mechanism. Heartbreak is like a pimple; you have to let it come to a head.

As far as despair goes, this is the emotion you should try to stymie. It may not seem like it right now, but good days are ahead. You’ll find someone else and probably end up feeling silly about the feelings you’re having now. Hopelessness and depression are common in breakups, but they are just the logical conclusion of beating yourself up and dwelling on the past.

5. Occupy Your Time

Don’t sit around thinking about what is happening in your ex’s life. Try to keep your mind off of stuff you can’t change.

Sure, you need to work through all your emotions. But you will do this naturally enough without dwelling on them hour after hour. Spend a lot of time with your good friends and try to do something fun. Try to enjoy yourself. It might not work at first, but you’ll eventually start to get back in the swing of things. You might even find someone who catches your eye. The chances are a lot better than sitting at home worrying about what your ex is doing.

Dwelling on your past romance is like a bad habit. It doesn’t do you any good, and whatever joy it brings, it brings a whole lot more suffering.

6. Learn From The Experience

This won’t happen at first. When you are feeling all these crazy emotions, you won’t be in any state for “wisdom” or “growth”. You’ll probably be feeling petty and small. Don’t worry about that. Who wouldn’t suffer self-esteem issues when someone else was chosen over you?

When the time is right, try to put everything in perspective. Your friends have probably been giving you all kinds of advice. It’s probably good advice, but you haven’t been in the mood to hear it. That will come with time.

7. Time is the Great Healer

Getting through the rough times is simply a matter of suffering through it for a time. They call it “being heartsick” for a reason. It takes time to heal, just like physical injuries do.

It take a month or two, but life will start to get back to normal eventually. It might take longer if you’ve been in a long relationship or you follow the advice above. Whatever the case, you’ll adapt to the new situation and it won’t seem so surreal after a time.

8. Move On Yourself

The best way to get over a lost love is to find a new one. You may not get entirely over your ex until you have a new love in your life. At that point, everything that happened will fall into its proper perspective.

And who knows? Maybe your ex will end up reading this same article, looking for advice.

Comments

  1. I agree w/most if the above statements except for #8, well maybe I just need a clarification. A lot of other articles I’ve come across do not recommend getting into a new relationship right after a break-up (rebound relationship). Just wondering why it would be such a good idea, or if it’s a recommendation after dealing with a break-up.

  2. It is interesting to mention the moving on, I feel you should have mention that to move on you must feel prepare to do so, in order to not hurt the other person involve.

  3. I’m with you Sara. I don’t agree with #8 entirely. I think starting a new relationship too soon after a break up isn’t wise. I think you have to get over the person entirely, be happy with your life and self before you can move on to another relationship. It wouldn’t be fair to the other person if you’re not over the what was with someone else or entirely happy with yourself!

  4. "BadboY" says:

    I didn’t know anything about Let Yourself Feel the Emotions / I didn’t know it was even healthy or so, but now I do really understand it.

  5. So much of this is true! It takes time and eventually you move on. Its just the in-between time that is the killer. It makes you feel like your all alone and that you are the most unattractive being on the planet. Eventually you move on and someone new comes in the picture. If only breakups weren’t so painful:(

  6. Right now in am having a tough time with the fact that we went thru some really ruff times with her personall issues and i was there for her and then she just disconects and drops me like a hat when i needed her. Hurts

  7. i have broken up with the man i love,am pregnant by him,and his moved on to his ex,i just dont see how am ever going to heal from the hurt his caused me as il have the baby as a constant reminder of him,he wont even see the baby,i feel so hurt and wish i had had a termination and not kept the baby as am sure moving on would have been easy

  8. Im with you Gary, mi ex girl did the same to me, i was there for her , not even her family did wha i did for her, and now she has a new bf 3 weeks aftr the break up,
    you feel betrayed
    shit

  9. Holy Crap!!! Aiky The exact same thing happened to me!! I was there for my ex while he was dealing with the death of a parent. He was very distressed and we had a huge fight and then he went online and met some girl and 3 weeks later he told me I couldn’t attend his mums funeral after being a part of his family for 10 years and he took his new GF! Such a slap in the face for me….I’m totally devastated!

  10. What if u broke up with him while he’s in another country, and all u can c is him and his new lover taking sexy pix on facebook?? That’s what happened to me. My 8 year relationship just ended…..

    I’m pass devasted. I don’t want to tell my friends, coz I can’t deal with the ‘I told u so’

    My heart is so hurt…I feel like taking a whole bottle of pills n 4get the whole thing…I never imagined this day would come… :(

  11. I once had a childhood friend. Our grandparents were close since diapers and so were our parents. I moved away at a young age and forgot. I came back and at the age of 15 we started conversing through a social networking site. Months passed and my Mum decides to leave me at his mothers care. On my first day, living at his house, I remembered how quiet shy he was. Days after, he finally spoke up and before I knew it, we were running around the second storied house, throwing water, alcohol(the first aid kit kind), spraying mosquito repellents, and even expired shampoo and deodorant. All in all, it was a blast, and to us it came off naturally. Two months later, We secretly dated. My once childhood friend became my most serious relationship. Time flew, and I’m here, reading this article as he is off living his life, thinking of girl who isn’t me. And as for me? Well I’m right back where I ended December 2010, alone and single. I once had a childhood friend, who became my best friend, my lover, my boyfriend, my enemy, and now.. nothing. There is nothing left.

  12. I had a relationship with a guy that I loved and I still do. When we met,he introduced me to his ex and that was for me a surerity that they were just friends . AS TIME went by,he started contacting his ex without my knowledge but he denied the suspiscions saying that he is only helping her with the best school work. my ex always assured me that there is nothing going on,and said I may call the girl and ask her. So I did and got the shock of my life. How can I hurt him?

  13. veronica says:

    Hey my name is veronica I’m from oxnard I just got out of a 3yr realionship I had two miscarriages of last
    My boyfriend broke up with me last month on february n he moved on a month later n I don’t understand why we recenctly broke up I’m just going threw hard time coping loosing my kids n everything n idk y my ex moved on so quickly after a month.

  14. When an ex has moved on so quickly, more than likely is that they had been cheating on you with that person. That had happened to me. She cheated for 6 months or more, until she finally told me that she is seeing someone. When she tells you that, she wants you gone for good. But I was an idiot and she played games with me until I was hurt and more hurt….

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