How to Attract Men

This is the kind of subject which seems to create the most controversy among our staff. The girls and the guys seem to disagree on how best to attract the other sex. It's the classic argument between the ideal world and the real world. I'll let you guess which group comes down on which side.

That being said, I can report a certain amount of consensus. I have tried to be pragmatic without being crass. I'm certain this will work out in the field.

1. Positivity

Don't dwell on all the negative things in your life. Be positive and upbeat. You can tell your guy all about your inner demons and family problems later. Why would he want to hear all that the first time you talk?

Of course, positivity goes beyond small talk. You need to enjoy being you. Learn to like yourself and people will take more of a shine to you. This may sound like some kind of self-help psychobabble, but it's common sense that men are going to be drawn to a woman who seems to enjoy life.

Sure, you'll have some guys who go for the "my life is hell" routine. But you're setting yourself up for a guy who thinks he's doing you a favor by dating you. That's not good.

One note to the wise. When I say "be positive", I'm not giving license to be conceited. Don't drone on endlessly about yourself. Get to know him, too. But when the conversation turns to you, focus on the positive.

And last but not least, under no circumstances talk about your ex-boyfriend. You can tackle those subjects later. But anything positive you say about your ex- is not going to impress the new guy.

2. Flirt

This is the starting point of any hook up. There's nothing wrong with a little playfulness. If done right, flirting isn't leading a man on. It's an invitation to get to know you, as well as a way to size up the cute guy down the bar. Besides, it's fun.

You'll know pretty quickly whether you want to continue the flirtation. Learn the art of the graceful exit from flirting, too.

Figure out where the best places to flirt are. In a bar, take a seat at the bar. Don't put yourself at a table with friends or you'll never meet anyone. If you do sit at a table, make sure to disengage occasionally to meet your adoring public.

Flirting is about a sense of fun, but also a sense of confidence. Don't fold your arms, pick your nails or chew gum too noticeably. This makes it seem like you would rather be some place else. Smile and make eye contact instead.

3. Get Out There

Once again, this is common sense. If you never get into the scene, you're never going to be seen. The more people you meet, the better your chances of finding someone compatible.

When you buy clothes, you want to look at the selection. It should be the same with the men you are choosing. Of course, when you're finding a man, you both a salesperson and a customer. So it's just important that more men meet you.

If you're sick of the bar scene, find some other outlet. Find something you enjoy doing and find some way to make it social. Attend a book club, a civic club or some other local group with social events. Hang out at the local Starbucks every once in a while. Join a gym. There are a hundred ways to meet men outside of a bar.

4. Look Attractive

No, no...don't dress like Christina Aguilera. But do make yourself attractive to men. Put on a skirt when you go out. Let a man know that you have curves.

If you hide yourself in pants all the time, a man may not take notice of you. There's nothing wrong with flattering clothes. Let's face it; the first rule of attraction is to look attractive.

5. Enjoy Yourself

Finding a man should be fun and rewarding. It shouldn't be a chore. A woman should enjoy the company of men.

It can be an ass whipping to deal with the wrong men all the time. A lot of women I know look at the dating scene as a chore. They see men as a necessary evil and themselves as strangers in a strange land.

But the whole point is that we seek the company of men because we need their company. So learn to enjoy yourself in the company of men.

6. Get A Life

Don't be needy. Don't put your life on hold for your new relationship. Get a social life before you get a boyfriend. If you end your old life when you get a new guy, it's a signal that you now depend on him.

You can never have too many friends. This makes it more fun and safer to go out into the dating scene. Break off from the group to get to know other people, but make sure you have a clique of friends.

It doesn't hurt to have some guy friends, too. This hones your skills at flirting, and let's your new guy know you have other options. Guys are attracted to women who attract other guys, even if those guys are "just friends". It's a natural response. Guys are competitive.

7. Know Your Own Standards

Finally, know what you want. Be confident about what you want. Don't be judgmental; just be self-assured.

You know what kind of blouse you want. You know what kind of shoes you want. So what's wrong with knowing what kind of guy you want?

Like the clothes you choose, be realistic and know what's going to be the best fit for you. But when you make up your mind, don't compromise.

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