How To Ask Out a Girl You Like
Asking out a girl is a daunting task for veterans in the field. Sure, there are some prodigies and veteran pickup artists who seem to never have trouble asking a woman out. But for most of the rest of us guys, knowing how to ask out a girl takes a lifetime of practice. Young guys start from ground zero and probably have all the wrong ideas about how to ask out a girl.
You watch a Hollywood movie with the shy teen guy and he makes every mistake in the book. He doesn’t approach the girl until a crisis point. He’s unsure of himself. He’s probably seems nervous and dorky. At least half of the time, he’ll admit to her he’s been in love with her since junior high, but never had the courage to tell her all this.
These are all classic mistakes when asking a girl out. In real life, this approach never works. In the movies, it works every single time. That’s probably because the geeky kids afraid to ask out the girl in high school are probably writing the movie.
Forget all the stuff you’ve seen on TV and film about how to ask a girl out. Being confident and relaxed and sending her signals that life will go on if she says no is the way to ask out a girl. With that in mind, here’s “How To Ask Out a Girl” in six easy steps.
1. Strike Up a Conversation
This is the hardest part for many guys. Just summoning up the nerve to break the ice and not seem like a complete dork in doing so can be the hardest thing about asking a girl out. You have to actually talk to a girl before you can ask her out. The great thing is, the more nonchalant you are, the better it will be.
Getting started is the hardest part. Figure out something about the setting you’re in or what she’s doing at the moment and make a comment.
2. Flirt a Little
Don’t be afraid to flirt. Flirting is that middle ground between a conversation and a come-on. You can tell a lot about how a girl feels about you with a little flirtation, but you don’t commit yourself or her to anything. Flirting is harmless and non-committal.
Make a joke. Laugh at your surroundings. Tease her ever so gently. Mostly, relax. Just be comfortable in your surroundings. It’s easier when you don’t have to fake it, so relax and be comfortable in your own skin, if at all possible.
3. Compliment Her in a Unique Way
Pretty girls get complimented all day on their looks. It’s nice to be complimented for your eyes and smile and hair, but ultimately, those get thrown on the pile of compliments she receives on her eyes and smile and hair. You want to stand out from the crowd.
Find something she’s not likely to get complimented on much, like some aspect of her personality or intellect, and give her a compliment. Don’t fish for something, either. Actually find something you like and give her a compliment.
If she’s a little too blunt for her own good, but that doesn’t bother you, compliment her on her brutal honesty. The idea is you show admiration, but not in the same way every other guy admires her.
Everyone has quirks. Find one of her quirks and point it out. She might be embarrassed. She might not know what to say in reply. But she’ll be flattered you noticed.
4. Evaluate Her Interest In You
During your conversation, try to gauge her interest in you. Does she smile? Do her eyes dart around your face when she talks to you? Does she touch you? Does she play with her hair? Does she touch her mouth with her hands? Does she arch her neck?
These last three mannerisms are called “framing” and are a sign that a girl is interested in the subject of her attention. Smiling is not necessarily a sign of flirting, but if she’s not smiling, that’s not a very good sign. And when a person believes someone else is attractive, their eyes will map out that person’s features by moving around that person’s face. If she’s focusing on one feature (eyes) or not looking at you at all, that’s a sign she might not find you attractive.
Touching is important, because women generally don’t touch men they aren’t attracted to. That’s no always the case. Some women are flirtatious naturally and their flirtatious behavior means nothing. Some women are touchy-feely, perhaps through a family trait or learned mannerism, and her touching your on the elbow means nothing. But many girls will establish body contact only with guys they are attracted to.
Don’t take any one action as a sign she’s got the hots for you. But if several of these actions begin to appear, that’s a sign she’s into you. If so, you should move ahead to asking this girl out with renewed confidence.
5. Ask Her Out
Have a specific place you want to go. Don’t ask her, “You want to go out sometime?” or “You want to go out this weekend?”. Ask her “Why don’t you go with me to the concert in a couple of weeks” or “Let’s go watch (movie) on Friday night.”. This done several.
One, this activity might be something she enjoys and she’ll be more likely to go with you. Two and more importantly, it shows you have a definite plan in mind. If she doesn’t go with you to the concert, you’re still going and going to have a good time. Women like men who know what they want, so you’re laying it on the line is important.
If that’s a little daunting for you, introduce the subject with a question like, “Do you like (the band giving the concert)” or “Do you want to see (movie)”. If she says yes, then ask her to go with you. This might leave a certain gray area about whether you’re asking her out on a date or not. Let her figure out your intentions if she doesn’t ask, but treat it as a date.
And if she wants to nail you down by asking you if you’re asking her out on a date, give her a warm, confident smile and say with “Yeah”. No pause and “yeah” and no false bravado “hell, yeah”, but a simple, confident “yeah”. The important thing is you don’t run from the fact that you are attracted to her and want to take her out on a date. If you hem-haw over that question or deny you’re asking her out on a date, you’re going to end up being “just friends”. Don’t go down that path, my friend.
The thought should be, “Of course I’m asking you out on a date”. Confidence is important, because it tells her that you see yourself worthy of dating her and there should be no question. You might not have that kind of confidence inside, but if you fake it long enough, it’s becomes reality.
6. Play It Cool If She Says No
If she says no, stay calm. Don’t freak out. Don’t bring the conversation to a screaming halt. Don’t create a long, uncomfortable pause or seem distracted. Don’t try to negotiate. By all means, don’t plead and beg. Just be nonchalant about it and move on.
That does one of two things. One, if she’s not interested in you, you still send the signal that you aren’t some loser who has pinned all his hopes on this one girl. There are other fish in the sea and you’ll do just fine. You preserve your dignity. This girl is just as likely as not to tell friends about this, so you’re performing not just for her, but also for all of her friends. Even if she’s not into you, that doesn’t mean someone who knows about the ask-out isn’t. If you create a scene, it gets reported, and that does you no favors.
So play it cool.
Two, if she has a boyfriend right now or she’s busy that night and there’s still some chance she’ll be interested in you someday, showing that you can take rejection like a man shows her your masculinity. Don’t behave like a woman by getting all emotional. Behave like a man who has other options.
Women love men with other options. Even if you don’t think you have any other options at the moment, it’s a good thing to preserve the illusion. Don’t show your hand. Showing her that she’s the only woman you think about is not a way to impress her. Don’t take your advice about girls from teen movies, because teen movies lie.
An even smoother option is to ask her out and get out before she has a chance to say yes or no. This is “Advanced Asking Out Techniques”, because you’re showing her it’s just not that important to you. Take me or leave me, it’s all cool. The idea is you send the signal you’re not pressuring her. If she says no, you’ll move on to someone else. Also, you apparently care so little about her answer that you don’t have time to stick around to hear it. You’re a man with a lot of irons in the fire.
Once again, that’s an advanced method for impressing a girl and it only works if you do it confidently and smoothly. But I point it out to suggest the attitude you should take. Keep it light. Keep it casual. Ask her out with a smile and a laugh. Don’t act like this is the most important thing in your life right now, even if that’s the way you feel.
You aren’t asking your mother to buy you a new pair of pants. You’re asking a young woman to view you as a fun date and a challenge to get to know. Creating a sense of urgency might talk your mother into buying those pants, but it’s going to scare off most girls. They will think you’re a loser.