I’m having these problems too.

I have the exact same problems as you. I try to go out and live a normal life, but when I do something without my boyfriend of five years I just become overwhelemed with guilt. I have been in therapy for about 6 years, and almost every session is about my guilt. I have learned to work with my feelings, you know it is okay to be around others and enjoy their company. I think that alot of it has to do with something deeper. You are obviously a wonderful girlfriend, but there is something in you that thinks you aren’t being faithful. I keep worrying that my boyfriend is going to one day hear something I have done and walk away, mostly because I haven’t had anyone permanent in my life. It really helps to talk to someone about it. They can help you delve into the past and help you understand why you feel the way you do.

Victoria:

Your thoughts sound so similar to OCD symptoms. You are NOT a bad person. I recommend you talk to a therapist or talk to your doctor. Whenever I talk to my doctor about strange worries like that, I realize that they have all heard it before, and its common to have sexual intruding thoughts. Its the disease. Please think about your beautiful baby and yourself before you do anything. You can overcome it, I promise you.

but for the last month he has ben whinning at the dor when i go aut with him to se if he has got water or food he stopes . but when i come in he starts again . the whinning neverstops so i just sit aut tere i don´t give him attention and he is verry good i wait till he goes to sleep and i go in , as son as he knows ive gon he starts again . What shold i do ?

I’d really appreciate if someone could respond to my post as I am DESPERATE for help. I’m 23 (female) and have struggled with OCD since I was about 5 years old. I’ve seen a therapist about it but stopped because I could no longer afford the visits. I also have anxiety/depression which I am not on medication for either (besides xanax for the anxiety). I feel like these 3 issues are all inter-related but my OCD is the worst. I have to make sure EVERYTHING is clean .. I scrub my bathroom all the time, my clothes have to be lined up properly, I’m constantly going back and checking/touching things, I have violent/negative re-occuring thoughts ALL THE TIME .. traditional case of OCD.

My biggest problem with OCD is with my relationship. If I talk to a guy, just a friendly conversation, I feel guilty .. I feel like everything involving another guy I HAVE TO TELL MY BOYFRIEND or ill live with guilt .. even if i just hug a guy friend or hold a normal conversation with them I will think about it over and over again like I’ve done something wrong when I haven’t. I don’t understand why I do this?!?!?! I’m completely faithful to my boyfriend of 7 years, whats going on and why do I feel SO GUILTY over nothing? PLEASE HELP!

Anonymous

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Have been suffering from OCD nearly all my life am 23 now. Initially started with checking everything 20 times or I had to have the radio at a certain volume but has gotten a lot worse over the years with terrible taught. In around 5th year of school I had terrible suicide taughts not that I would do anything like that but it kept going through my head drove me insane. And in the last few years it turned to sexual taughts! I have been talking medication for the past few years and it helped massively but stopped talking the tablets about a year ago as I didn’t think I needed them anymore and it was fine for a year but is back worse than ever. I find talking about it helps a lot.

Would just like to say to Victoria Bond things sound very tough at the mum but it will improve I promise! If you need to speak about it don’t hesitate to email me, and that goes for anyone here!

Admire everyone for coming on here not an easy thing to do.

Thanks

Brian

BR,

majority of my team called foul play/collusion and were very unhappy about what went on. we expressed our concerns to the commissioner and he did nothing in turn, he ended up in the playoffs of course. I know there is nothing that can be done now 3 weeks later. but now im getting complaints by the four teams in the playoffs that i wont pay transaction fees because i feel the league was compromised, especially since the commissioner neglected to do anything when majority of the league insisted. Is there a yahoo representative i can email to help solve, or to just clear things up, what happened.
Rating :

1. Everyone has OCD at some time or another, however, each of us has variable degrees, meaning it will affect more of us than others.

2. In most cases OCD is a reaction to stress.

3. OCD IS RELATED TO NEGATIVE THOUGHT CYCLES! Our brain enters into negative thought cycles to imitate its’ fight or flight response. It is a sort of twisted practice for our brain. Negative thought cycles cause shortness of breath and hightened alertness. This causes a shortness of breath. A shortness of breath will keep our fight or flight going, therefore the negative thoughts will keep going. It is a self-full filling cycle.

4. Most of us suffer from a repetitive thought pattern at one point or a another. We develop a cycle of thoughts that we cannot erase. The harder we try to get rid, the stronger they become. That is the solution and the problem in itself. The problem makes itself bigger the more we become enveloped by it. Acceptance is the key. Distressing thought patterns are just thoughts. You are not your mind. You cannot predict what your mind will think in 5 minutes. Allowing these thoughts to come and go as they please without much attention, and they will eventually disapear. YOU NEED TO DESENSITIZE TO YOUR THOUGHTS. THE LESS ATTENTION YOU PAY THEM, THE LESS YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF in an OCD thought cycle. Easier said than done of course, but believe me if you accept them for what they are, and refuse to become wrapped up in them, the easier it will be to deal with.

REGARDING RELATIONSHIPS: At one point or another we will find ourselves in toxic relationships. Sometimes one after another. This gives us a jaded perception. We develop a negative thought pattern where we think we will never find someone to treat us right or be in a successful relationship. WRONG. I learned from first hand experience. Everyone is different, and everyone needs a chance. Try to work on taking the least amount of baggage from one relationship to another. BE BRAVE. If you feel someone is being unfaithful, confront them, and if you have no real reason and if they havent done so before…then chances are they aren’t cheating.

this has worked for me

There is no question that women can be emotionally abusive. I think the English language needs a gender-neutral personal pronoun. :)

@ ReAnne

Using finances as a means of control is another aspect of emotional abuse. You may want to look into hotlines for domestic abuse and women’s shelters. Things like that are set up to help people escape from an abusive relationship and get back on their own two feet. Seeing a counselor is also a good idea. If you can’t for some reason, stop by the office and just take a look at the brochures. Every counseling center I’ve ever been to has a bunch. That will probably give a better idea of what’s available locally.

If your son is interested in college, have him start applying for scholarships now. With luck, he could be financially independent or close to it. Even if not, every little bit helps.

Be extremely cautious of scams. They often target people in your situation.

I wish you luck with all my heart.

I do have obsessive thoughts of things that happened to me in the past that I wished that hadn’t now some of the things could be say embarrassing yourself that many people would laugh off, I know that doesn’t make much sense because things do happen and what happened can’t be changed but how do I stop myself from forgetting what happened in the past?

Yours,
Francis

I’m pass devasted. I don’t want to tell my friends, coz I can’t deal with the ‘I told u so’

My heart is so hurt…I feel like taking a whole bottle of pills n 4get the whole thing…I never imagined this day would come… :(

In reading some of the other ‘helpful’ posts, it seems that a number of people recommend that we just “accept” these irrational thoughts that the brain produces and not give in to them, meaning obsessing about them and allowing ourselves to feel negatively about them…..

Has anyone succeeded in doing this ‘ignore it and it will go away’ approach?

Be Safe and be blessed, but most of all be FREE

For those of you who read this, I’d like to thank you because sharring things like this helps me feel a lot better and remember, no one has to be alone in this and you have the power to get over it. I haven’t yet, but it’s a thousand times better then it used to be, I’ve got some many friends again and I’m currently in college and working part time, I got over the depression months ago and I’ve been feeling good since then and I believe that I’ll get over OCD in the future.

My fiance is a good guy. He encourages me, he does everything he can to help me and we have so much in common…. up until very recently I have been noticing some major red flags. I did notice it before, but now it is affecting my daily activities. How does someone who makes me so happy, make me so sad at the same time? He has displayed some of the emotionally abusive traits, but not too severely. Maybe it will start getting worst with time.

1- He has problems with my sisters , and has put my entire family in the same boat. He is making it very difficult for me to spend time with them. The only thing is the problems he has are pretty justified( I have a dysfunctional family). I am only allowed to spend time with anyone if I run it past him first and we reach a mutual decision ( he makes it seem like it is mutual, but it isn’t, it’s usually me agreeing with him). My sisters and him do not get along. Mainly a clash of personalities(I personally can’t stand them either SOMETIMES)but I am no longer allowed to spend time with them or be in the same room as them.

2- He is very jealous. he gets mad if I associate with any men. I had to get rid of all my male friends on facebook because he said so. I actually deacivated my account because I was communicating with his brother and just making innocent jokes( his gay brother)… he got so mad he flew off the handle.

3- I suggested that we go to a counseler. He refuses to see that he has a problem. We had a huge fight because I wanted to attend my cousin’s wedding ( my sisters were going to be there). He did not want to go, so I was going to attend without him. He was so mad that he threatened to break up with me if I went ( this is usually what he does when he doesnt get his way). We fought until 4 am in the morning and we finally came to the decision( “we” meaning I was tired of fighting and he made the decision), would go to just the ceremony. We showed up and quickly left after. My entire family is mad that least I didnt go to the reception. I called him controlling. He doesn’t think he is.

4- Everything that I do that he isnt happy with usually leads to a conversation about him being so unhappy about it that he will leave me. He leaves the house whenever we get into any huge fight. I stay up worried about him and thats what he wants.

As I mentioned earlier he is a wonderful guy with the best of intentions. The abusive traits are light, but getting worst with each situation and each fight. We rarely fight mostly because I avoid situations that would cause one to occur. I have been researching the warning signs and I am from an abusive house hold. I am confused because he does not physically abuse me nor does he put me down. It seems that most of the behaviour is centered around his own poor self esteem and wanting to keep me from leaving him by limiting my access to other people. How do I convince him to seek counseling? His lack of self esteem is making me want to leave. I do believe that he is the love of my life. He lifts me and supports me and does all the things that a loving spouse should, but then there’s the dark side. Anyone can offer advice?

Thank you for your post. I find it very honest and relatable. I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half, and I have reached my breaking point. After some heavy reading, talking with friends, family, and counselors, and also my boyfriend, my denial is broken. I have been taking his emotional bulls*** for a loooong time, and I have just begun to recognize it. And you know what? My self esteem is on the rise. I now know that his inability to stop his abusive behavior has nothing to do with me. He is reacting out of past hurt and past relationships. His mother left him when he was still a kid, and he refers to her as a “no good slut.” Similarly, he speaks about his exes in a very disgusting light. It’s clear to me that this guy is severely mysoginistic and believes (mostly) that women are all no-good sluts. Including me.

I was shocked when I began to awaken. How could I have put up with this emotional abuse for so long and not even have realized it? Not only does emotional abuse manifest emotionally and mentally, it is physical too. Even though my boyfriend (we’ll call him Evan) has never laid a finger on me in violence, the emotional abuse has left me with headaches, body aches, back aches, and horrible digestive problems. I have been to a doctor, and they confirmed that there was no physical explanation for this.

When I spoke with Evan about all of this, he will either a) deny it, calling me “too sensitive” or “humorless” when I refuse to laugh at a cruel joke at my expense or b) break down and cry and tell me how much he hates himself for what he does to me and promises never again. Both of these reactions, I now realize, are unacceptable. The second one especially, because it’s clear to me that he is not apologizing for what he said or did and my emotional hurt over it. He is apologizing because he KNOWS his behavior is unacceptable and he wants to wash away his guilt by having me sweep it under the carpet and minimize the behavior as per usual.

Ella, I’m not taking this anymore. We live together still, and I have begun to separate from him, mentally, physically, and emotionally. My friends and family can’t stand the guy and have tried to be nice, but they are VERY concerned for my health and well-being, as am I.

Today, I’m choosing to take my life, my mind, and my heart back from this abusive person. None of us deserves this abuse. And that’s the tricky part, right?! The abuser finds ways to manipulate you into believing that YOU are the problem, that YOU need help, that YOU are too needy, etc…and it levels our self-esteem. But really, emotional abusers are scared and stuck in the past, and the reason they do what they do is that (for some) they are terrified of being abandoned. Honestly, I won’t lose much by cutting my boyfriend loose. I’ll lose his “love” (really more of a pattern of egoic wanting and needing than love) but I’ll gain my self-respect.

Some behaviors I have put up with that fit the profile of emotional abuse:

1. Stonewalling, refusing to acknowledge my feelings when I’m hurt, or refusing to acknowledge me altogether.

2. Bringing up the past. (This is a BIG one gals) He brings up past relationships of mine and finds fault with every single one. He even spat upon a past relationship of mine that I remembered with fondness.

3. Isolating you from friends and family. For me, this happened quickly. He would constantly tell me “true” stories about how my friends and family were badmouthing me, didn’t love or respect me, etc. I lost a lot of friends this way because I believed these lies.

4. Belittling my sexuality. In addition to bringing up past relationships, he’ll bring up my sexual history a LOT. If I tell him “stop it. this is unfair and unreasonable” he will find some other way to vent, be it through facebook or talking to my friends.

5. Empty promises. He promises to clean his mess, pay a bill, get a bigger tv, wake up and take me to work, etc. After so many empty promises, the natural reaction is to think “yeah, right…” Also, he expects recognition for these promises and gets angry when I don’t jump up and down and get excited when he “promises” to take me to a movie or buy us a puppy.

These are just some of the things I’ve noticed. There are undoubtedly more. Wish me luck as I cut Evan out of my life, and I wish all of you nothing but love and strength as you take your lives back.